The underlying enemy of our victory is our own lust.
Lust feeds desire to our uncontrolled thoughts, then porn accentuates our production dopamine, to increase pent-up desire for release, and masturbation is our reward; releasing oxytocin.
It is no wonder that finding victory is a challenge.
There are many things we try along our way to becoming porn free.
But, for me, there was one thing that made the biggest difference in changing the pattern of lust, porn and masturbation in my life.
The first path everyone seems to try is the sheer willpower approach. “I can do this! How hard can it be?”
It is not too long after the 120th try, or so, that you come to the conclusion that this is NOT working.
Then we try to block everything – darting our eyes away from women we see or ads that are provocative, and installing content filters on our devices. This is a bigger help, but still lends to little success.
Then our next stop is the, ‘I just need to love Jesus more!’.
I was stuck at this one for quite a long time – truly believing this was the key. My thought was if I loved God more then I would not want to sin; after all there is that John 14 verse – “If you love me, keep my commands”.
This one showed much better success because I believe it gets us much closer to what God desires, but I found that I did not always love him and often enough I would not put him first.
Other things I tried included begging God to change me, to make me stronger, to take it away – anyway, you know the list, but none of this ever helped.
Then I began reading a book called “The Seeking Heart” by Fenelon (the book is not relevant really; however), there was a comment about realizing how our sin hurts God.
I started thinking about this. It kind of went like this…
Sin steals away his desired best for me.
It separates me from him; not him from me.
He is a jealous God. But I never think about that.
My asking him to make me stronger or to give me victory was really about me and my self-love.
It never was about God or our relationship – it was more about how I felt.
I never saw that he hated it. I mean I knew he didn’t like it, but it was more that I hated it… mostly after I gave into it.
I realized that, if I desired to be close to him, to abide in his love, that I needed to submit myself to him.
It could no longer be about me, or my success or what God could do for me. It had to be about giving myself to him; about him being my strength – NOT him strengthening me, but HIM being my strength.
I started to pray – most times before I even set my feet on the ground and prayed, “Father I submit myself to you, and I freely give you permission to take control of my life. I need you to be my strength today. Use me for your glory.”
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I stopped doing the other things that regularly helped me, but when it came to struggling, I would also pray…
When confronted with temptation – “God I need you to be my strength; I submit myself to you; use me for your glory.”
When feeling desire rearing its head – “God I need you to be my strength; I desire to abide in you and for you to be my strength; I submit all of my thoughts to you and lay them at your feet.”
I would listen to worship songs that usually moved me, like the one below, I would stand and passionately sing the words, even as whispers when folks were home – I would pump my fists in his victory for me and I would weep at his goodness towards me and pray the prayer again.
For me this became the turning point in my battle – will it work for everyone? Maybe not, there were a lot of other things in my journey that could have set the foundation for that moment – all I can say is that it was.
Would you take some time to consider this and see how you might do the same in your life? He desires you to be free, but it cannot be on your terms – it has to be his.
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