Video & Script
In this video I am going to take you through the steps on how to get very clear on your ‘why’ – the reason you have behind wanting to quit watching porn.
Not knowing the ‘why’ behind your trying to quit porn, masturbation or lust is like being in a sailboat with no sails; carried about by the direction of the water and rarely in the way you want to go.
Knowing your why gives you clarity and the ability to move towards things that bring about healing and freedom in your life. It also keeps you from the rocks and sandbars that snag or sometimes shipwreck you.
But finding this clarity is not always as simple as we would like.
Jay here, on Shackle Road, where I discuss tips, tactics, and routines to help Christian men break free from watching porn for good and to live lives of freedom.
No let’s get started
Your ‘why’ needs to be internal – why is quitting personal for you.
Research shows that this internal motivation is more effective at achieving your desired goals
So often the immediate response to the question, “What is your ‘why’ behind wanting to quit porn?” leads to answers like, I want to do it for…
My Wife
My Marriage
My Kids
My reputation
These are not bad, but they only have to do with things outside yourself or how others perceive you.
They have little to do with your underlying ‘why’
And often these lead to burn out or giving up.
On Shackle Road the first thing we ask you to do is create your lists of I HATEs and I WANTs
Here’s the idea….
Draw a line down the center of a sheet of paper, or use a notebook opened to blank pages on each side.
On the top of the left side write, I HATEs
And on the top of the right side, I WANTs
Begin writing your list of I HATEs. What do you hate about watching porn, what are the effects it produces in your life, what does it steal from you, what does it make you think and feel – about you, your relationships, or things you do?
Aim for writing down at least 5; add more if you can.
On the other side write your list of I WANTS. Don’t just write the opposites of your I HATES. What would freedom from porn allow in your life, what would it say about you, what would you believe about yourself, that you don’t currently, what would it enable you to do, what would it look like if you were free?
Again, aim for writing down at least 5 things and add more if possible
Here are some examples of my I HATEs
I HATE that I feel side-lined and that God cannot use me
I HATE that it makes me doubt my salvation
And for my I WANTs
I WANT to be the kind of guy that thinks my wife is sexy and thinks about her alone
I WANT to know that I am truly God’s son.
We will use these lists to get to your ‘why’, but I want you to get about creating these right now.
Seriously, pause the video and make your lists
The time is on the screen if you need to find your spot here later {time for youtube and course}
Now that you have your lists – read them over
First with your I HATEs and then your I WANTs
Take your time. Read them slowly.
Allow yourself to feel the weight of them
Which of the I HATEs really stands out to you – circle it.
Which of the I WANTs really stands out to you – circle it
This next step I adapted from Matt Dobschuetz’s book, “Porn Free: Becoming the Type of Man That Does Not Look at Porn” – check it out if you want, there is a link in the description.
Now complete this sentence:
I am determined to kick porn out of my life because I HATE {plug in your circled I HATE} and I WANT {plug in your circled I WANT}.
This is your ‘why’!
It is the first thing you will use to feed your NEW man.
It is also your guide post, here’s what I mean
As you feel drawn towards acting out, your I HATE reminds you of where it leads and your I WANT reminds you of what it steals.
And as you grow day to day in your journey to becoming porn free, your I WANT reminds you to make choices towards who you want to become and your I HATE of what you want to leave behind.
So let’s start using it.
Over the next 24 hours, I want you to say it or read it to yourself at least 12 times throughout the day.
Don’t do it all at once.
Spread it out.
Take in what your statement is saying.
Agree with it.
Make it a prayer even – LORD, I am determined to kick porn out of my life because I HATE BLANK and I WANT BLANK – accomplish this in my life and be my sole source of strength today.
After the 24 hours is up. Take a moment in your morning routine to read through your I HATEs and I WANTs lists, and repeat your ‘why’ – out loud, even if it is in a whisper.
Feel free to update your lists and your statement over time – the longer you are in this journey the more aware you become of what porn has been stealing from you and what freedom from it looks like for the person you are becoming.
Please Like and subscribe if you found this video helpful
And if there is a topic you’d like me to discuss – leave a comment.
It’s TIME to be free! Go chase it.
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