So it’s been 3 days, a week, a month, 6 months, a year and then bam! You gave in and found yourself watching porn and masturbating again. I’ve been there too – that feeling of failure, of shame, of why bother – you might as well do it again now, of why can’t I just get this, and how can God forgive me again.
In this video I am going to discuss how to handle failure on your journey to quitting porn. To challenge some of the thoughts and feelings you may have and to help you go through the process of getting back on your feet again after falling – this is the very thing we do as Christians.
Jay here, on Shackle Road, where I discuss tips, tactics, and routines to help Christian men break free from watching porn for good and to live lives of freedom.
No let’s get into it
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”. Are you then surprised by your setback? No one wants to of course and we desire to not fall as we seek to honor the LORD.
But let’s be reminded, that
Jesus Christ went through great lengths to remove the separation caused by our sin. Sin is missing the mark. His love and shed blood made it possible for us to come to him boldly – even after a failure. So lean on him – “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saves such as be of a contrite spirit.”
Secondly, pride is what causes you to feel that you cannot go to him. It tells you that you need to punish yourself or seek some kind of penance – that there is something YOU must do first. But there is nothing that you can do about the past – other than rest on the fact that God has taken care of it, and dedicate the future to Him. Just confess your falling short, ask him to cleanse you from all unrighteousness and accept His provision. “It is Finished!” guys!
So let’s move on from there – stand up. dust yourself off and begin again.
Thirdly, because you had a setback, it may stir up emotions like shame, depression, defeat and the like, that lower your resilience, which increases the likelihood of giving in again. That said, there are some practical steps you can take to help you get back on your feet, so this set back does not turn into a multi-day spiraling venture into giving yourself over to it.
Step No. 1 – Confess and do not wallow
Yes, around the corner may be thoughts of ‘well I’ve already given in so….’ but likely until then you’ll likely feel sorry or regret that you gave in. Maybe you’re like me and say, ‘I just suck’ and ‘I’ll never lick this’ – But do not allow yourself to stay here. Put this regret aside.
The Paul from the Bible put this way – “but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me”
So instead, take advantage of this time to confess to God – there is no need to wait – just do this. But also find someone to share your setback with. This will 1) build up your resilience, 2) stop you from hiding and 3) allows you to receive encouragement. {DESCRIPTION} I have a post on my site on how to find someone to share your struggle with, but {SUBSCRIBE} I am looking to create a video on this topic soon so keep an eye on for it.
Step No. 2 – Do a retrospective – think about what happened
take some time to retrospect the events that happened up to this point –
what was going well – what routines were keeping up on,
what did not got well – what things have you let go from your routine; what changes occurred in your thinking, and
what could you do differently next time?
Write out a plan – stop thinking about the next time you’ll give in and write a plan – the next time I feel tempted, what are you going to – I’ll run up and down the street, I’ll make a pizza from scratch, I’ll drive around the town for 30 mins, I’ll put a ton of crap on my bed… Have fun with how you’ll handle this in the future.
Then think through how you will be more vigilant over the next few days – will you re-enable your habit tracker, set up check-in times with a friend (don’t just say I’ll check-in if i am struggling), write out a structured plan for the next several days being especially mindful of things outside of your normal routine – a business trip, your wife is out for the day, meeting with a new work colleague, etc.
You should leave this feeling more confident about the days ahead.
Step No. 3 – Punch the enemy in the freakin’ face and get started
OK not really – you’d probably lose, but get mad that he comes to kill, steal and destroy.
If you have listened to my other video on How to create your why, you likely already have your why and your I HATES & I WANTS lists. If not the link is in the description and it will be on the end card of this video.
The enemy desires to steal away your life with porn – to make you ineffective and to keep you from the work that God has prepared for you to walk in. Review your I hates and I wants lists – read through them slowly – feel the weight of each one.
Pray something like this several times throughout the next few days – “God I desire to be who you want me to be, and my flesh and the devil desire what is contrary to that. I submit myself to you – my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength – and ask you to rule and reign in my life. Grant me your freedom and be my strength today.”
I am serious about this – if you have not created your I hates and I wants lists and have not found your ‘why’ in wanting to quit porn, check out this video now!
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And if you have a question or there is a topic you’d like me to discuss – leave a comment.
It’s TIME to be free! So go chase it.
